drama queen: I don't love him.

I am slow. I have admitted that many times to many people. I admitted that to myself. I admitted that because they say that the first step to recovery is acceptance of the reality. So that is my reality. And I want to recover from it.

I am slow. I want to learn faster. I want to be successful right away.

I am slow. I want to change my bad habits instantly.

I am slow. I want to forget him now.

I don't know what he is in my life now. I just know that he is someone who will never look at me again. I want to hate him but even if I force myself to do that, I can't. I think that not feeling anger towards him is good because indifference would be much preferable. But I am not indifferent either. I feel something towards him. I can't say it is love. I don't know. I tell myself that I'm getting obsessed with him.

See? I recognize the problem. I should be cured now.

I am still here though. Writing this blog about him. What is my problem?????

I erased his phone numbers from my phone for the nth time. I hope that I am making a big step now. There is no way for me to communicate with him. This is good for me right?

I hope that his essence will not be floating in my next post. Secretly, I hope he'll remember me on the 25th. Pathetic. This is not love. I know it isn't.

I'm just slow.